Our autumn years can bring a whole host of challenges, thoughts, and emotions, that we don’t feel ready for. Anxiety and low mood are not uncommon. Transitions such as: retirement, bereavement, grandparenthood, downsizing, declining health, or adult children moving away; may bring stress in the present, worries about the future, and regrets or sadness about the past. All too often, individuals shy away from seeking solace in support; instead blaming themselves for being unable to cope with the ‘normal parts of aging’.
“We had big plans for retirement, but not long before I finished work, Barry took ill. I spent 7 months nursing him, before he died. I am glad I was able to care for him, but there were times I felt so much resentment and guilt. I’d gone from being at the top of my profession to suddenly being trapped in our four walls. Now he’s gone, I still feel stuck. Stuck and oh so very lonely.”
-Sheila
Whilst the loss of a partner or loved one is a common experience in later life, multiple losses can exacerbate feelings of loneliness. Especially when your lost loved ones were a significant part of your daily life. You may feel like you are grieving yourself, as well as the people you are remembering.
As with Sheila, above, you may feel that the freedom you had been anticipating is not what you had imagined or hoped for. Your wings may feel clipped due to financial constraints, decreased mobility/independence, or a sudden lack of motivation. Alternatively, you may feel fit as a fiddle and raring to go, only to feel constrained by caring duties, such as minding grandchildren, or looking after elderly relatives.
The arrival of grandchildren can stir up a wide mix of emotions. Whilst there may be positive emotions, such as excitement, love, joy, and pride; becoming a grandparent can cause you to reflect on your own parenting days.
“I see my son with his children, and I feel a stab of regret. He has made very different parenting choices, and I can’t help but wonder if it is as a direct judgment on the way that we raised him.” - Steve.
You may feel as if you missed out on quality time with your young children, due to work pressures. Maybe you feel as if you missed out on following your own dreams and find it challenging to be ‘trapped’ in the childcare role, once more.
We can also become worried with the uncertainty of our future. Seeing a decline in others, can make us feel all too aware of what our own decline might mean for us and those around us. We may feel concerned with our financial security, overall wellbeing, or the idea of ‘becoming a burden’ to, or abandoned by, our loved ones. Existential fears about our life and death may also feel more pronounced: a fear of the unknown, and the meaning of any legacy we will one day leave behind.
How therapy can help
You might be surprised to learn just how many older adults and elders choose regular therapy as a way of enhancing their wellbeing in the present. Talking to an understanding and empathic other can help you to voice (and process) the difficult thoughts and feelings you may be experiencing. A problem shared is a problem halved, after all. Together, with your therapist, you will learn more about yourself in the context of your life and relationships. You will build a toolbox of skills and techniques to help you cope and navigate challenges. What’s more you will be taking an exciting (and quite possibly daunting) step towards living a more fulfilling and empowered life.